Negative thoughts

I am feeling:

  1. Forgotten. How could I be tossed aside so easily?
  2. Not loved
  3. Hopeless that someone will love me again, or scarier, that I will find someone to whom I am attracted, respect, and love, and want to be with
  4. Old
  5. Envious of couples and families around me, of people with children and grandchildren for whom commitment seems to be so easy
  6. Disgusted with myself and I am here 8 years after being separated. Disgusted that I am still here, and in four years, I couldn’t get myself together to commit to my ex. Disgusted that I am still on the fence with Steve, but I have not resolved our relationship
  7. Frustrated with myself that I am not more loving and tuned into people in my life and I’m so self-centered right now
  8. Sad, but I was too scared to let love in and have lost it
  9. Ashamed that I strung my ex along so long, when he left me so much, because I was afraid to commit
  10. And again, forgotten and said that he doesn’t love me anymore.

I am ready to turn these negative thoughts into positives, but I don’t know what to do next. Focus on these negative thoughts, focus on Steve? Funke, Darrell, Steve. It feels like too much loss. And there I go again, being self-centered and negative.

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