I am feeling:
- Forgotten. How could I be tossed aside so easily?
- Not loved
- Hopeless that someone will love me again, or scarier, that I will find someone to whom I am attracted, respect, and love, and want to be with
- Envious of couples and families around me, of people with children and grandchildren for whom commitment seems to be so easy
- Disgusted with myself and I am here 8 years after being separated. Disgusted that I am still here, and in four years, I couldn’t get myself together to commit to my ex. Disgusted that I am still on the fence with Steve, but I have not resolved our relationship
- Frustrated with myself that I am not more loving and tuned into people in my life and I’m so self-centered right now
- Sad, but I was too scared to let love in and have lost it
- Ashamed that I strung my ex along so long, when he left me so much, because I was afraid to commit
- And again, forgotten and said that he doesn’t love me anymore.
I am ready to turn these negative thoughts into positives, but I don’t know what to do next. Focus on these negative thoughts, focus on Steve? Funke, Darrell, Steve. It feels like too much loss. And there I go again, being self-centered and negative.