Cataloochee cabin

Thank you, God, for the reminder to be present to cherish the people right in front of me. I got to ride up to western North Carolina with PPBJ, see GJ, catch up on friends’ lives, and make new friends this weekend. We hiked a trail in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park and swam in the coldest swimming hole on the eastern seaboard I swear.

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I entered the weekend anxious–unsure how to help my mother and brother from making a bad financial decision, and sad about my exbf moving on. I hate to say, sometimes my mind wandered, even with these wonderful people this weekend, to being sad about my ex. I meditated to gain some relief, and that helped me focus on other people over the weekend.

Meditation helped me reframe that what I wanted from D was love, but from that love, I wanted peace, and really, I have to be the one to provide myself with peace. In doing so, I can be ready, if the opportunity ever comes again that someone loves me as much as D did. In any case, it helps me have peace when I remind myself that my focus right now has to be on myself and the decision I have to make regarding my own long-term, on-and-off-again relationship. That is where I want to focus my emotion and energy. And I do think a lot about what Funke would say.

I talked with Andreas on his birthday, and we talked about how much we missed Funke and how much she encouraged both of us and how she is with us with the decisions we make. I could feel some relief from focusing on myself, as selfish as that may sound, by focusing on Andreas and how he is doing in his life now that Funke has passed away.

I had a few minutes alone talking with Girl Jamie this weekend. What a gift. I learned about her married life now and was reminded what a generous person she is. Together, over the weekend, we all spent time outdoors, in the mountains and in the water. I think each of us, not just me, but all of us wants to be connected and loved and to spend time with people who care for us.

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