Mo invited me to a meditation group this evening.
Good timing. I’d been wanting to see Mo, and I’ve also had a lot of noise in my head. Mo says she does too. Bizarre. I’m surprised whenever I hear an amazing woman I know who looks like she has it all together concede that she has a case of the crazies too.
The last two days, I’ve felt more peace for having written the letter to Steve. At least, it’s no longer a thing to do in my mind and having considered it enough, the doing is done, and I can close the door on that part of my life. I metaphorically mailed away all my expectations in that letter, and maybe now I will have a new perspective on Darrell. No matter, meditation sounded good. I have long wanted to be my own biggest cheerleader instead of critic number one.
We went to a home in Brier Creek, and in the basement, practiced breathing and meditation. Ravi the host introduced us to The Art of Living, and we meditated to an iPod mp3. Different than what I expected, which was forced silence for 30 minutes, just me and my thoughts. Terrifying.
We practiced Bellows Breathing.
One surprise. The speaker on the meditation track said, “let your thoughts come and let them go.” I imagined we would be forcing ourselves to keep our minds clear. I found letting my thoughts come, it was also easier to let them go.
I can’t say I feel at peace but I am interested in trying meditation again. As our monk told us in Jeondeung Temple in Korea, we create our world with our mind. I believe that. I want to be more mindful and feel like I can control my thoughts. If I can do that, really, I think I can do anything.